


better hurry 'cause i'm leavin' soon

by BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo Fic [11]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Tragedy, Assisted Suicide, Character Death, Depression, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Regret, Time Travel, infected wound
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:33:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23695471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse/pseuds/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse
Summary: Madara is dead, so he doesn't feel the storm of chakra that approaches from the east, worry and panic heavy in the swirling mass. He doesn't know that when a frantic Hashirama finds his still figure, every plant in a five-mile radius withers and dies, blackened just like Hashirama's grieving heart.
Relationships: Senju Hashirama/Uchiha Madara
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo Fic [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1496420
Comments: 19
Kudos: 325
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	better hurry 'cause i'm leavin' soon

**Author's Note:**

> this is a heavy one, folks. take care of yourselves.
> 
> #11 fic for my bad things happen bingo card. prompt was infected wound.

* * *

**better hurry 'cause i'm leavin' soon**

* * *

He is alone on his death bed.

The lucky shot he took to the gut has long since become infected. The redness has grown worse as the days go by, slowly growing puffy from infection. He feels cold as he shivers on his bedroll, his lungs expanding painfully in his ribcage. The wound is a disgusting black color, the putrid smell of death heavy in the hair around it. His chakra has been fighting the infection, but he has done his best to keep his survival instinct at bay.

He has no plans to survive this, so why fight it?

He coughs a painful wrenching hack that threatens to turn into upchucked bile if he isn't careful. He is in so much pain, and yet he relishes the feeling, darkly smug as his body slowly loses its will to live.

The last time he saw Hashirama was when the man gave him his latest mission scroll.

"I know you've been feeling cooped up," he had said, a brilliant smile on his face. "I figured getting out of the village for a bit would help! You should even be back in time for my wedding!"

Madara had taken the scroll, ever silent at the reminder of the man's upcoming nuptials. Madara had packed for his mission, thoughts flighty and distracted, and then he had left the village.

He feels delirious as he gags once more, the sound echoing in the cave he has sequestered himself inside. He keeps seeing people in the corner of his eyes, haunting images of his future come to visit him.

Sasuke and Naruto always appear together, faces drawn with determination as they stare down at his vulnerable figure. They are the most peaceful of his hallucinations.

He sees Izuna as he was just before he died: eyes gone and bitter. His lips never move, and yet Madara can here the bitter regrets he shares, the hatred he carries in his heart for the clan Madara had made peace with.

Black Zetsu's image also appears, but it's always tucked into a shadowy corner of the cave. The hallucination never steps out into the light coming from the small fire Madara had set. He has started to move closer as the fire dies, yellow eyes making Madara's skin cawl. He never speaks, though Madara feels as if he understands the unspoken message anyway.

The worse one is Obito. Every time Madara sees his twisted scars, the cold hatred on his face, he fights against his own survival just a bit more. Obito is the only one who actually speaks. His mouth moves as he damns Madara for the part he played in breaking him; in almost bringing the destruction of the very world Madara had claimed he wanted to save. He hates Madara so fiercely that Madara feels like he is burning from the inside, that broken regret so volatile that it actually makes Madara shed tears.

Or is that simply the pain of dying, overwhelming even his iron will?

He supposes he feels grateful that no one from his past appears before him. He doesn't know what he would do if Hashirama appeared before him, young and bright, still holding trust in Madara. He can picture him, even as his mind grows hazier.

"What have you done to yourself, old friend?" he would say, a sad look in his eye as his hand would caress Madara's pale cheek.

Tears continuing streaming from his eyes, leaving tracks of blood down his cheeks. Exhausting his chakra by keeping his Sharingan activated is killing him faster, so he keeps it up, mind wandering.

He had woken up in Konoha, surrounded by the warmth from the blanket one of his clan members had gifted him. He had instinctively known that he was where he had once been, all those years ago. He had seen the village in its infancy, images of the destruction he had caused flashing through his mind.

Seeing the excited civilians whispering about their Hokage's upcoming wedding had further confirmed the date, his heart pounding in his chest as he found himself climbing up the Hokage Monument until he rested safely atop Hashirama's head.

The first time Hashirama had gotten married, Madara had broken just a little bit further. Bright, beautiful Hashirama who was the man Madara would always pine after. The man that Madara had dreamed of, who had once taken his hands and smiled at him, promising him peace in a dark, cruel world.

He had seen the way Hashirama had greeted Uzumaki Mito, a nervous flush on his cheeks, and he had known all was lost for him.

Experiencing it a second time is just as devastating and just as heartwrenching. He knew that within two weeks' time he would lose any hope of having Hashirama return his affections.

 _Or had he lost that a hundred or so years ago when this had happened the first time?_ he wonders, fever spiking as the fire beside him finally goes out, only the soft glow of embers left burning in the ash.

Taking the mission was simply repeating history. Getting stabbed was déjà vu. Not returning to the village to seek help? That, however, was new.

He's missed Hashirama's wedding.

He's been due to report back from his mission for three days now. He found the cave four days ago. He's been in a state of fever dreams for the past two days.

He stays where he is, sentencing himself to a lonely, painful death.

 _He does not deserve a second chance_ , he thinks stubbornly, sobs escaping him. What he does deserve is to die alone and forgotten, killed by some unknown shinobi in the deepest parts of one of the thickest forests in Hi no Kuni. He does not deserve the Uchiha clan rights that are meant to lay a soul to rest. He must seclude his shame in a small cave, infected wound sending excruciating waves of pain through his body.

Madara is too much of a coward to take his own sword to his throat, so this will have to do.

He knows he will lose consciousness soon; he can feel it in the way his wound has grown numb and his limbs have suddenly become so heavy he can't even twitch his fingers. His eyesight dims, any light the fading sun has been providing no longer helping him. He fades, much like the sun does, slipping away as the moon finally peeks her head above the horizon, the ethereal glow barely penetrating the cave mouth.

Madara is dead, so he doesn't feel the storm of chakra that approaches from the east, worry and panic heavy in the swirling mass. He doesn't know that when a frantic Hashirama finds his still figure, every plant in a five-mile radius withers and dies, blackened just like Hashirama's grieving heart.

What he does know is that when he next opens his eyes, the warmth of a hand and the white of the hospital ward greets his vision.

What he does know is that the first thing Hashirama says to him is, "I love you, please don't leave me again."

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this has a hopeful ending what do you want from me. title is from listen before I go by Billie eilish.
> 
> EDIT: translated into Russian by Brenilim here: https://ficbook.net/readfic/10002125


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